Kisah Mengharukan, 10 Tahun Membenci Suami, Tak Disangka Begini Wanita Ini Setelah Ditinggal Pergi

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Kisah mengharu biru tentang cinta dan kehidupan rumah tangga suami istri ini bisa menjadi pelajaran bagi pasangan suami istri lainnya agar dapat lebih bersyukur dengan apa yang telah mereka miliki saat ini.

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Aku membencinya, itulah yang selalu kubisikkan dalam hatiku hampir sepanjang kebersamaan kami.

Meskipun menikahinya, aku tak pernah benar-benar menyerahkan hatiku padanya.

Menikah karena paksaan orangtua, membuatku membenci suamiku sendiri.

Walaupun menikah terpaksa, aku tak pernah menunjukkan sikap benciku.

Meskipun membencinya, setiap hari aku melayaninya sebagaimana tugas istri.

Aku terpaksa melakukan semuanya karena aku tak punya pegangan lain.

Beberapa kali muncul keinginan meninggalkannya tapi aku tak punya kemampuan finansial dan dukungan siapapun.

Kedua orangtuaku sangat menyayangi suamiku karena menurut mereka, suamiku adalah sosok suami sempurna untuk putri satu-satunya mereka.

Ketika menikah, aku menjadi istri yang teramat manja.

Kulakukan segala hal sesuka hatiku.

Suamiku juga memanjakanku sedemikian rupa.

Aku tak pernah benar-benar menjalani tugasku sebagai seorang istri.

Aku selalu bergantung padanya karena aku menganggap hal itu sudah seharusnya setelah apa yang ia lakukan padaku.

Aku telah menyerahkan hidupku padanya sehingga tugasnyalah membuatku bahagia dengan menuruti semua keinginanku.

Di rumah kami, akulah ratunya.

Tak ada seorangpun yang berani melawan.

Jika ada sedikit saja masalah, aku selalu menyalahkan suamiku.

Aku tak suka handuknya yang basah yang diletakkan di tempat tidur, aku sebal melihat ia meletakkan sendok sisa mengaduk susu di atas meja dan meninggalkan bekas lengket, dan aku benci ketika ia memakai komputerku meskipun hanya untuk menyelesaikan pekerjaannya.

Aku marah kalau ia menggantung bajunya di kapstock bajuku.

Aku juga marah kalau ia memakai pasta gigi tanpa memencetnya dengan rapi.

Aku marah kalau ia menghubungiku hingga berkali-kali ketika aku sedang bersenang-senang dengan teman-temanku.

Tadinya aku memilih untuk tidak punya anak. Meskipun tidak bekerja, tapi aku tak mau mengurus anak.

Awalnya dia mendukung dan akupun ber-KB dengan pil. Tapi rupanya ia menyembunyikan keinginannya begitu dalam sampai suatu hari aku lupa minum p*l KaBe dan meskipun ia tahu ia membiarkannya

Akupun hamil dan baru menyadarinya setelah lebih dari empat bulan, dokterpun menolak menggugurkannya.

Itulah kemarahanku terbesar padanya. Kemarahan semakin bertambah ketika aku mengandung sepasang anak kembar dan harus mengalami kelahiran yang sulit.

Aku memaksanya melakukan tindakan vas*ktomi agar aku tidak hamil lagi.

Dengan patuh ia melakukan semua keinginanku karena aku mengancam akan meninggalkannya bersama kedua anak kami.

Waktu berlalu hingga anak-anak tak terasa berulang tahun yang kedelapan. Seperti pagi-pagi sebelumnya, aku bangun paling akhir.

Suami dan anak-anak sudah menungguku di meja makan. Seperti biasa, dialah yang menyediakan sarapan pagi dan mengantar anak-anak ke sekolah.

Hari itu, ia mengingatkan kalau hari itu ada peringatan ulang tahun ibuku.

Aku hanya menjawab dengan anggukan tanpa mempedulikan kata-katanya yang mengingatkan peristiwa tahun sebelumnya, saat itu aku memilih ke mal dan tidak hadir di acara ibu.

Yaah, karena merasa terjebak dengan perkawinanku, aku juga membenci kedua orangtuaku.

Sebelum ke kantor, biasanya suamiku mencium pipiku saja dan diikuti anak-anak. Tetapi hari itu, ia juga memelukku sehingga anak-anak menggoda ayahnya dengan ribut.

Aku berusaha mengelak dan melepaskan pelukannya.

Meskipun akhirnya ikut tersenyum bersama anak-anak. Ia kembali mencium hingga beberapa kali di depan pintu, seakan-akan berat untuk pergi.

Ketika mereka pergi, akupun memutuskan untuk ke salon. Menghabiskan waktu ke salon adalah hobiku.

Aku tiba di salon langgananku beberapa jam kemudian. Di salon aku bertemu salah satu temanku sekaligus orang yang tidak kusukai.

Kami mengobrol dengan asyik termasuk saling memamerkan kegiatan kami. Tiba waktunya aku harus membayar tagihan salon, namun betapa terkejutnya aku ketika menyadari bahwa dompetku tertinggal di rumah.

Meskipun merogoh tasku hingga bagian terdalam aku tak menemukannya di dalam tas.

Sambil berusaha mengingat-ingat apa yang terjadi hingga dompetku tak bisa kutemukan aku menelepon suamiku dan bertanya.

“Maaf sayang, kemarin Farhan meminta uang jajan dan aku tak punya uang kecil maka kuambil dari dompetmu. Aku lupa menaruhnya kembali ke tasmu, kalau tidak salah aku letakkan di atas meja kerjaku,” katanya menjelaskan dengan lembut.

Dengan marah, aku mengomelinya dengan kasar. Kututup telepon tanpa menunggunya selesai bicara.

Tak lama kemudian, handphoneku kembali berbunyi dan meski masih kesal, akupun mengangkatnya dengan setengah membentak.

“Apalagi??”

“Sayang, aku pulang sekarang, aku akan ambil dompet dan mengantarnya padamu. Sayang sekarang ada di mana?” tanya suamiku cepat , kuatir aku menutup telepon kembali.

Aku menyebut nama salonku dan tanpa menunggu jawabannya lagi, aku kembali menutup telepon.

Aku berbicara dengan kasir dan mengatakan bahwa suamiku akan datang membayarkan tagihanku.

Si empunya salon yang sahabatku sebenarnya sudah membolehkanku pergi dan mengatakan aku bisa membayarnya nanti kalau aku kembali lagi.

Tapi rasa malu karena “musuh”ku juga ikut mendengarku ketinggalan dompet membuatku gengsi untuk berhutang dulu.

Hujan turun ketika aku melihat keluar dan berharap mobil suamiku segera sampai. Menit berlalu menjadi jam, aku semakin tidak sabar sehingga mulai menghubungi handphone suamiku.

Tak ada jawaban meskipun sudah berkali-kali kutelepon. Padahal biasanya hanya dua kali berdering teleponku sudah diangkatnya.

Aku mulai merasa tidak enak dan marah. Teleponku diangkat setelah beberapa kali mencoba.

Ketika suara bentakanku belum lagi keluar, terdengar suara asing menjawab telepon suamiku.

Aku terdiam beberapa saat sebelum suara lelaki asing itu memperkenalkan diri, “Selamat siang, ibu. Apakah ibu istri dari bapak Armandi?” kujawab pertanyaan itu segera.

Lelaki asing itu ternyata seorang polisi, ia memberitahu bahwa suamiku mengalami kecelakaan dan saat ini ia sedang dibawa ke rumah sakit kepolisian.

Saat itu aku hanya terdiam dan hanya menjawab terima kasih. Ketika telepon ditutup, aku berjongkok dengan bingung.

Tanganku menggenggam erat handphone yang kupegang dan beberapa pegawai salon mendekatiku dengan sigap bertanya ada apa hingga wajahku menjadi pucat seputih kertas.

Entah bagaimana akhirnya aku sampai di rumah sakit. Entah bagaimana juga tahu-tahu seluruh keluarga hadir di sana menyusulku.

Aku yang hanya diam seribu bahasa menunggu suamiku di depan ruang gawat darurat. Aku tak tahu harus melakukan apa karena selama ini dialah yang melakukan segalanya untukku.

Ketika akhirnya setelah menunggu beberapa jam, tepat ketika kumandang adzan maghrib terdengar seorang dokter keluar dan menyampaikan berita itu.

Suamiku telah tiada. Ia pergi bukan karena kecelakaan itu sendiri, serangan stroke-lah yang menyebabkan kematiannya.

Selesai mendengar kenyataan itu, aku malah sibuk menguatkan kedua orangtuaku dan orangtuanya yang shock.

Sama sekali tak ada airmata setetespun keluar di kedua mataku. Aku sibuk menenangkan ayah ibu dan mertuaku.

Anak-anak yang terpukul memelukku dengan erat tetapi kesedihan mereka sama sekali tak mampu membuatku menangis.

Ketika jenazah dibawa ke rumah dan aku duduk di hadapannya, aku termangu menatap wajah itu.

Kusadari baru kali inilah aku benar-benar menatap wajahnya yang tampak tertidur pulas. Kudekati wajahnya dan kupandangi dengan seksama.

Saat itulah dadaku menjadi sesak teringat apa yang telah ia berikan padaku selama sepuluh tahun kebersamaan kami.

Kusentuh perlahan wajahnya yang telah dingin dan kusadari inilah kali pertama kali aku menyentuh wajahnya yang dulu selalu dihiasi senyum hangat.

Air mata merebak dimataku, mengaburkan pandanganku.

Aku terkesiap berusaha mengusap agar airmata tak menghalangi tatapan terakhirku padanya, aku ingin mengingat semua bagian wajahnya agar kenangan manis tentang suamiku tak berakhir begitu saja.

Tapi bukannya berhenti, air mataku semakin deras membanjiri kedua pipiku.

Peringatan dari imam masjid yang mengatur prosesi pemakaman tidak mampu membuatku berhenti menangis.

Aku berusaha menahannya, tapi dadaku sesak mengingat apa yang telah kuperbuat padanya terakhir kali kami berbicara.

Aku teringat betapa aku tak pernah memperhatikan kesehatannya. Aku hampir tak pernah mengatur makannya.

Padahal ia selalu mengatur apa yang kumakan. Ia memperhatikan vitamin dan obat yang harus kukonsumsi terutama ketika mengandung dan setelah melahirkan.

Ia tak pernah absen mengingatkanku makan teratur, bahkan terkadang menyuapiku kalau aku sedang malas makan.

Aku tak pernah tahu apa yang ia makan karena aku tak pernah bertanya. Bahkan aku tak tahu apa yang ia sukai dan tidak disukai.

Hampir seluruh keluarga tahu bahwa suamiku adalah penggemar mie instant dan kopi kental.

Dadaku sesak mendengarnya, karena aku tahu ia mungkin terpaksa makan mie instant karena aku hampir tak pernah memasak untuknya.

Aku hanya memasak untuk anak-anak dan diriku sendiri. Aku tak perduli dia sudah makan atau belum ketika pulang kerja.

Ia bisa makan masakanku hanya kalau bersisa. Iapun pulang larut malam setiap hari karena dari kantor cukup jauh dari rumah.

Aku tak pernah mau menanggapi permintaannya untuk pindah lebih dekat ke kantornya karena tak mau jauh-jauh dari tempat tinggal teman-temanku.

Saat pemakaman, aku tak mampu menahan diri lagi. Aku pingsan ketika melihat tubuhnya hilang bersamaan onggokan tanah yang menimbun.

Aku tak tahu apapun sampai terbangun di tempat tidur besarku. Aku terbangun dengan rasa sesal memenuhi rongga dadaku.

Keluarga besarku membujukku dengan sia-sia karena mereka tak pernah tahu mengapa aku begitu terluka kehilangan dirinya.

Hari-hari yang kujalani setelah kepergiannya bukanlah kebebasan seperti yang selama ini kuinginkan tetapi aku malah terjebak di dalam keinginan untuk bersamanya.

Di hari-hari awal kepergiannya, aku duduk termangu memandangi piring kosong. Ayah, Ibu dan ibu mertuaku membujukku makan.

Tetapi yang kuingat hanyalah saat suamiku membujukku makan kalau aku sedang mengambek dulu.

Ketika aku lupa membawa handuk saat mandi, aku berteriak memanggilnya seperti biasa dan ketika malah ibuku yang datang, aku berjongkok menangis di dalam kamar mandi berharap ia yang datang.

Kebiasaanku yang meneleponnya setiap kali aku tidak bisa melakukan sesuatu di rumah, membuat teman kerjanya kebingungan menjawab teleponku.

Setiap malam aku menunggunya di kamar tidur dan berharap esok pagi aku terbangun dengan sosoknya di sebelahku.

Dulu aku begitu kesal kalau tidur mendengar suara dengkurannya, tapi sekarang aku bahkan sering terbangun karena rindu mendengarnya kembali.

Dulu aku kesal karena ia sering berantakan di kamar tidur kami, tetapi kini aku merasa kamar tidur kami terasa kosong dan hampa.

Dulu aku begitu kesal jika ia melakukan pekerjaan dan meninggalkannya di laptopku tanpa me-log out, sekarang aku memandangi komputer, mengusap tuts-tutsnya berharap bekas jari-jarinya masih tertinggal di sana.

Dulu aku paling tidak suka ia membuat kopi tanpa alas piring di meja, sekarang bekasnya yang tersisa di sarapan pagi terakhirnya pun tidak mau kuhapus.

Remote televisi yang biasa disembunyikannya, sekarang dengan mudah kutemukan meski aku berharap bisa mengganti kehilangannya dengan kehilangan remote.

Semua kebodohan itu kulakukan karena aku baru menyadari bahwa dia mencintaiku dan aku sudah terkena panah cintanya.

Aku juga marah pada diriku sendiri, aku marah karena semua kelihatan normal meskipun ia sudah tidak ada.

Aku marah karena baju-bajunya masih di sana meninggalkan baunya yang membuatku rindu.

Aku marah karena tak bisa menghentikan semua penyesalanku.

Aku marah karena tak ada lagi yang membujukku agar tenang, tak ada lagi yang mengingatkanku sholat meskipun kini kulakukan dengan ikhlas.

Aku shalat karena aku ingin meminta maaf, meminta maaf pada Allah karena menyia-nyiakan suami yang dianugerahi padaku, meminta ampun karena telah menjadi istri yang tidak baik pada suami yang begitu sempurna.

Shalatlah yang mampu menghapus dukaku sedikit demi sedikit. Cinta Allah padaku ditunjukkannya dengan begitu banyak perhatian dari keluarga untukku dan anak-anak.

Teman-temanku yang selama ini kubela-bela, hampir tak pernah menunjukkan batang hidung mereka setelah kepergian suamiku.

Empat puluh hari setelah kematiannya, keluarga mengingatkanku untuk bangkit dari keterpurukan. Ada dua anak yang menungguku dan harus kuhidupi.

Kembali rasa bingung merasukiku. Selama ini aku tahu beres dan tak pernah bekerja.

Semua dilakukan suamiku.

Berapa besar pendapatannya selama ini aku tak pernah peduli, yang kupedulikan hanya jumlah rupiah yang ia transfer ke rekeningku untuk kupakai untuk keperluan pribadi dan setiap bulan uang itu hampir tak pernah bersisa.

Dari kantor tempatnya bekerja, aku memperoleh gaji terakhir beserta kompensasi bonusnya.

Ketika melihatnya aku terdiam tak menyangka, ternyata seluruh gajinya ditransfer ke rekeningku selama ini.

Padahal aku tak pernah sedikitpun menggunakan untuk keperluan rumah tangga.

Entah darimana ia memperoleh uang lain untuk memenuhi kebutuhan rumah tangga karena aku tak pernah bertanya sekalipun soal itu.

Yang aku tahu sekarang aku harus bekerja atau anak-anakku takkan bisa hidup karena jumlah gaji terakhir dan kompensasi bonusnya takkan cukup untuk menghidupi kami bertiga.

Tapi bekerja di mana?

Aku hampir tak pernah punya pengalaman sama sekali. Semuanya selalu diatur oleh dia.

Kebingunganku terjawab beberapa waktu kemudian. Ayahku datang bersama seorang notaris.

Ia membawa banyak sekali dokumen. Lalu notaris memberikan sebuah surat.

Surat pernyataan suami bahwa ia mewariskan seluruh kekayaannya padaku dan anak-anak, ia menyertai ibunya dalam surat tersebut tapi yang membuatku tak mampu berkata apapun adalah isi suratnya untukku.

Istriku Liliana tersayang,

Maaf karena harus meninggalkanmu terlebih dahulu, sayang.

Maaf karena harus membuatmu bertanggung jawab mengurus segalanya sendiri.

Maaf karena aku tak bisa memberimu cinta dan kasih sayang lagi.

Allah memberiku waktu yang terlalu singkat karena mencintaimu dan anak-anak adalah hal terbaik yang pernah kulakukan untukmu.

Seandainya aku bisa, aku ingin mendampingi sayang selamanya.

Tetapi aku tak mau kalian kehilangan kasih sayangku begitu saja.

Selama ini aku telah menabung sedikit demi sedikit untuk kehidupan kalian nanti.

Aku tak ingin sayang susah setelah aku pergi.

Tak banyak yang bisa kuberikan tetapi aku berharap sayang bisa memanfaatkannya untuk membesarkan dan mendidik anak-anak.

Lakukan yang terbaik untuk mereka, ya sayang.

Jangan menangis, sayangku yang manja.

Lakukan banyak hal untuk membuat hidupmu yang terbuang percuma selama ini.

Aku memberi kebebasan padamu untuk mewujudkan mimpi-mimpi yang tak sempat kau lakukan selama ini.

Maafkan kalau aku menyusahkanmu dan semoga Tuhan memberimu jodoh yang lebih baik dariku.

Teruntuk Farah, putri tercintaku.

Maafkan karena ayah tak bisa mendampingimu

Jadilah istri yang baik seperti Ibu dan Farhan, ksatria pelindungku.

Jagalah Ibu dan Farah.

Jangan jadi anak yang bandel lagi dan selalu ingat dimanapun kalian berada, ayah akan disana melihatnya.

Oke, Buddy!

Aku terisak membaca surat itu, ada gambar kartun dengan kacamata yang diberi lidah menjulur khas suamiku kalau ia mengirimkan note.

Notaris memberitahu bahwa selama ini suamiku memiliki beberapa asuransi dan tabungan deposito dari hasil warisan ayah kandungnya.

Suamiku membuat beberapa usaha dari hasil deposito tabungan tersebut dan usaha tersebut cukup berhasil meskipun dimanajeri oleh orang-orang kepercayaannya.

Aku hanya bisa menangis terharu mengetahui betapa besar cintanya pada kami, sehingga ketika ajal menjemputnya ia tetap membanjiri kami dengan cinta.

Aku tak pernah berpikir untuk menikah lagi. Banyaknya lelaki yang hadir tak mampu menghapus sosoknya yang masih begitu hidup di dalam hatiku.

Hari demi hari hanya kuabdikan untuk anak-anakku.

Ketika orangtuaku dan mertuaku pergi satu persatu meninggalkanku selaman-lamanya, tak satupun meninggalkan kesedihan sedalam kesedihanku saat suamiku pergi.

Kini kedua putra putriku berusia duapuluh tiga tahun. Dua hari lagi putriku menikahi seorang pemuda dari tanah seberang.

Putri kami bertanya, “Ibu, aku harus bagaimana nanti setelah menjadi istri, soalnya Farah kan ga bisa masak, ga bisa nyuci, gimana ya bu?”

Aku merangkulnya sambil berkata “Cinta sayang, cintailah suamimu, cintailah pilihan hatimu, cintailah apa yang ia miliki dan kau akan mendapatkan segalanya. Karena cinta, kau akan belajar menyenangkan hatinya, akan belajar menerima kekurangannya, akan belajar bahwa sebesar apapun persoalan, kalian akan menyelesaikannya atas nama cinta.”

Putriku menatapku, “Seperti cinta ibu untuk ayah? Cinta itukah yang membuat ibu tetap setia pada ayah sampai sekarang?”

Aku menggeleng, “Bukan, sayangku. Cintailah suamimu seperti ayah mencintai ibu dulu, seperti ayah mencintai kalian berdua. Ibu setia pada ayah karena cinta ayah yang begitu besar pada ibu dan kalian berdua.”

Aku mungkin tak beruntung karena tak sempat menunjukkan cintaku pada suamiku.

Aku menghabiskan sepuluh tahun untuk membencinya, tetapi menghabiskan hampir sepanjang sisa hidupku untuk mencintainya.

Aku bebas darinya karena kematian, tapi aku tak pernah bisa bebas dari cintanya yang begitu tulus.(***)

Sumber : tribunnews.com

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